In the end, everything will be ok. If its not, its not the end.
Firstly, please read this with an open mind. Others are in different situations and some maybe the same. I don't appreciate small minded comments. I'm having my opinion and its my blog.
Let's start off with friends. In my life so far, I've been the type of girl who will spare her last fiver for a friend in need. I will always help someone out regardless of what they do for me. I'd give my right arm to arrange activities, make sure their happy and always always do my best to maintain the friendship. I support my friends, ask about their lives, take an interest but its left me wondering where I am. When does enough become not enough? The majority of my close friends leave me feeling like I've been picked up and put down when it suits them. It's become more evident as life goes on that people are self centred and selfish. At the moment I tend to feel like I'm putting in £100 to get back 1p. No matter how much they moan about being bored, have no money, I suggest things to get thrown back in my face. I speak to them about it, I get ignored. I'm no saint, I'm not perfect. I'm honest, sometimes brutal with it and I always speak my mind but I always try be nice. I'm the sort of person who has their emotions written right across my face. If you see me and I'm in a bad mood, you can see it in my face immediately.
And friends aren't all of it. If you have me on twitter (@bethsbeautyblog), you'll have recently seen my depressing tweets. All about a boy. I'd give everything for this boy, right since I first met him. I bent over backwards to make him happy, be as nice as I could. Made every little effort to speak to him until it wasn't good enough. I'm still in contact with him and see him but all that happens is I'm picked up, used and chucked back on the pile. I know what you're all thinking - what an idiot she is. And I am. I know you're all saying, "you can do better, move on". I wish it was that simple. Again, enough now isn't. The sad thing is although I am very independent, I am also dependant. I feel like I need someone there which is why I don't let go, no matter how bad they treat me.
What I'm trying to say is I spend my whole life giving to get nothing in return. People continuously throw things back in my face and it's draining. I almost feel like I need a break, move away somewhere and start new.
Another incident in this is job hunting. I've wanted to work in beauty ever since I got my first make up which was a Sabrina The Teenage Witch box where you collected the make up weekly with a magazine. I've applied for every job under the sun, I've spoke to every counter possible, tried to get any experience and everyone wants to knock me down. It really becomes disheartening when you're ignored when you've expressed a strong passion in the industry.
I recently applied for a job at Benefit which was advertised over twitter. After having my number passed onto the area manager and being told she'd ring me, she never did. I contacted her on twitter more than once, contacted other members of staff at the store, contacted head office, emailed head office, still no reply till I sent an annoyed tweet to Benefit. They replied obviously and I was fobbed off with some story about how the area mangers twitter was broken - weird because she'd been on it, obviously seen I'd been trying to contacting her and was tweeting someone else discussing the hours I wanted to apply for. I won't forget that the person at the Benefit official twitter spoke to me like I was a retard. She asked me to email the company, I already had, why would I email to be ignored again. The woman also did this all by DM to protect the companies precious reputation. No matter how much interest I express in this field, I get no where so I'm stuck in a dead end retail job praying it hits 5.30pm and I can go home.
I didn't write this for pity or people to feel sorry for me. I'm a fighter but lately it feels like everything is on top of me and its getting hard to shake. I've done this to remind me that no matter how hard life is, it'll get better.
You've got to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad.